Sleep like a Brick

Pretty much what
a CPAP makes you feel like

     I love a good night's sleep. But I have sleep apnea.  If you don't know what that is MayoClinic.com defines it as, "a potentially serious sleep disorder in which breathing repeatedly stops and starts."  In other words I stop breathing in the middle of sleeping.  I don't know that I do this because I'm asleep, but apparently it is usually accompanied by deafening snores and the startled wake up bed shaking jerk when my body realizes that it isn't getting that lovely aerobic respiration that it so craves.  I only become aware of what I'm doing when this woman I know starts to hit me and tell me I'm keeping her up and that if I don't stop I might lose the option of ever waking up again.  So over half a dozen years ago I went through a "sleep study" that Torquemada would have been proud to have designed.  The end result of which has been that since that time I have used a device known as a CPAP to help me overcome my sleep apnea.  A CPAP machine consists of a fan that blows air down a tube that runs into a mask that you strap on your face and it sends air down your nose all night long and believe it or not it helps you to sleep.  I'm sure that at this point this blog entry falls under the heading of TMI, but I think this background is necessary to understand the full impact of my opening statement, "I love a good night's sleep".  I love one because I went for so long without one.  And so now on those nights like tonight when I can't sleep I feel horribly deprived.

      I know the reason that I can't sleep is the fact that I was absolutely out of control yesterday at the Easter brunch we attended and I ate myself sick.  So this is a self inflicted wound and I have no one to blame for it but myself, but that is almost always the case.  I have met the enemy and he is me (my apologies to Pogo).  Never the less, I am already dreading the day ahead.  Not sleeping is going to throw off my entire schedule.  I will be lethargic at work, I won't feel like getting my workout in later because I will be too tired.  I will probably have to fight the urge to nap.  It's just going to make today stink.  So why don't I just go back to bed?  I've tried twice and from long experience I know that I'm up.  So to kill time until I start my normal morning routine I've decided to write.  I find that I'm enjoying writing these little missives.  Like I've stated earlier I don't really expect to be widely read, but the few of you that are reading have been kind with your comments and I've re-read my posts several times seeing if I like my wording, correcting grammar, and determining if I'm making an ass out of myself yet.

     At this point I think the sleep deprivation is turning this into a stream of consciousness piece, but I do remember that before I started I did have a point.  We went to Hawaii two summers ago and it was the best trip of my life.  In fact I have been exploring the possibilities of retiring there when that time comes.  The only bad part of the trip was the return flight.  It was really long and we flew through the night.  Everyone on the plane slept except for me.  I couldn't use my CPAP and I have grown so accustomed to sleeping with it on that it is literally impossible for me to sleep without it.  So I watched while others slept.  It's such a simple thing but I was so envious of the people on that plane that were off in dreamland while I counted down the hours until we landed.  On nights like tonight I almost always reminisce about that flight.  The good times of the week previous  weren't lost because of that night, but it opened my eyes to the significance of how basic human needs as simple as a good night's sleep dictate so much of our lives.  Awareness might be half the battle and maybe I can still talk myself into having a good day, but one thing is clear to me right now - I love a good night's sleep.